DEMYSTIFYING POWER

In many of my discussions with individuals or groups about DEI, there is a word that comes up almost every time. It is the word ”power.” I also realized that most of the time, when it comes up, there is an amalgam between power and dominance. This could also explain why much debate centres on the critics of power as if power is inherently bad or something we should fear possessing. This blog post is my attempt to demystify power and encourage a new approach to it.

POWER IS INTRINSIC TO EVERY RELATIONSHIP

Relationships carry faith, hopes and visions. But, because relationships are made of commitment, investment, and sometimes sacrifices, it also leads to expectations, attachment, interdependence, reliance, entitlement or needs. That is the source of power dynamics. It is the natural result of people coming together. Power is intrinsic to every relationship.

To put it simply, there is no relationship without a power dynamic. To be in a relationship is to act, undergo, witness or participate in power dynamics. Therefore, the real question becomes less about who owns the power and rather about the nature of the power, how the person gained it, how the person sustains it and what the person does with it.

“We cannot ignore power because if we do not choose to act on power, power will always act and be exercised on us in some shape and form.” (Lily Zheng, 2022)

POWER IS NEUTRAL

There is indeed a distinction between power as domination or control over others and power that is life-affirming. It is about whether we use our power to create an imbalance or to create an enriching experience for everyone involved. In other words, it is not just the possession of power, but the awareness of it, whether or not we use it with integrity, respect for us and others, that determines its actual impact.

“People often say the person who makes more money has power in a relationship. That is possible. It can be that the person who makes more money makes more decisions, gets to decide where we live, what we spend the money on, etc., or that person may say: “you know you've been wanting to go back to school for a long time, I can make that happen so you go ahead” or “you've been wanting to go back and do your artwork” or “you would like to take some time to take care of your ailing parent at this point, I can make that possible for you,” that is power to you.” (Esther Perel, 2022)

CULTURE AND CONTEXT DETERMINE THE STRUCTURE OF POWER

They used to be a consensus, a clear understanding of who owns the power and why. Some past models of power imply that people with more authority will tell others what to do. Depending on the culture, power may be given to the elder, the person that is perceived with more wisdom, the most experienced, responsible or skillfully person, the person with more and so on. This power would be assigned from the top down or circular.

Today, the structure of power is changing. It is unclear who deserves it and how long one keeps it. New generations have learned to challenge authority and not shy from being vocal about it. While they understand the importance of power and the need for systems and structures, they are also more intentional with their approach to power, who owns it and how it is used.

“Power has become more fluid. Power gets negotiated. Power is not just something that is ascribed and assigned to you by virtue of your age, of your birth, and of your status. It is part of the relational dynamics, and this is very new in relationships. Power that is negotiated is something new that came with the women's movement, that came with the identity politics that is part of a larger cultural issue in which you, your power, can be taken away. With the “Me too” movement, power is no longer something that is just fixed, and you got it, and it is part of your privilege forever. There's still up plenty of people who have that kind of power too, but there is also a new experience of power that is much more fluid and much more negotiated” (Esther Perel, 2022)

YOU ARE NOT POWERLESS. WE ALL HOLD SOME KIND OF POWER

Power comes from the top down and from the bottom up.

“When a child needs their parents, the parent has power over the child. We are the most helpless creature that comes into the world for a Goodyear before 2. Before we can talk, we can feed ourselves we conclude ourselves. So, we depend on caregivers, and that gives these caregivers power. At the same time, if we have a 2-year-old who says no and doesn't want to do what we ask them, everybody understands that power doesn't always come from the top down; it also can come from the bottom up. we all hold power.” (Esther Perel, 2022)

Power comes in many forms.

“Formal Power: the right to request behaviour from another

Reward power: the ability to promise compensation to influence behaviour

Coercive Power: The ability to threaten punishment to influence behaviour

Expert Power: the ability to influence behaviour by possessing greater expertise or ability

Informational power: the ability to influence behaviour by possessing a greater information

Referent power: the ability to build rapport and influence behaviour through charisma.” — Lily Zheng

BE AWARE OF YOUR POWER AND PRACTICE USING IT

Because of the stigma around it, some people are afraid to use their power because they fear being perceived as dominant. But this situation creates chaos most of the time. But stepping into your power, becoming the leader you were meant, called or asked to be is a responsibility.

“In some situations, there needs to be leadership. It provides hierarchy; it provides structure Parents who don't assume their position, their role, their authority, and their power leave a vacuum. That vacuum often creates a reversal of power where the child has to become the parent of the parents. These are inverse hierarchies. Those become problematic.

Employees that don't have a boss that gives them a clear sense of direction and mission on where we’re going and why we're doing what we're doing are left with a vacuum. And then they asked what should we do? And then sometimes another person emerges that becomes the new power, or it's chaos and disorganization.” (Esther Perel, 2022)

It also happens that people are simply not aware of their power. For illustration, I tend to use the analogy of energy. We know Energy in its two forms: Kinetic and potential. Kinetic energy is the energy in motion, such as arms pushing away water, birds flapping wings, and the rapidly moving molecules in a fire. On the other hand, potential energy is the energy stored in an object, such as water trapped behind a dam or a skier posed at the top of a hill; an object that does not have to be moving to have the capacity to do work. (“What is life? A guide to biology and physiology”, Jay Phelan, 2021).

Kinetic energy is the most obvious form of energy. It is easy to be aware of it. Everyone can feel or witness it. Because potential energy, on the other hand, does not involve movement and is the least apparent form of energy, people are trained to see it as less strong or impactful. The issue with potential energy is that one must apply some sort of pressure for it to be revealed. It also needs to go through some kind of transformation to be useful.

We witness the same process in the oppressor and oppressed dynamic, where the most apparent power is the oppressor's power. Then it takes a revolution for the oppressed group to finally realizes its power. Unfortunately, and just as potential power, oppressed minority tends to realize their power after applied pressure; that is when the oppression has reached a point where they can no longer take it. And just as potential power, it must go through a form of transformation for it to be useful. Indeed, when members of an oppressed group finally realize their power, they also experience it at first in its rawest form, unpolished. Unfortunately, because they’ve never had a chance to tame it, it is also easy to be overwhelmed by it.

Using power as dominance or control is equally damaging as the power we are unaware of or do not use appropriately. Ignorance of our own Power could easily become dangerous for ourselves and the people around us. Power is harmful when we are not aware of it or when we do not use it properly. So do not wait for pressure to act on your power is my advice.

I conclude this blog post by inviting you to reflect on three things.

1) I want you to reflect on the power others have over you. Are you giving it with willingness? Where you force to give it away, and why is that?
2) I want you to reflect on your power over others. How did you get to have that power? Are you using it with integrity? Is that power used for the greater good, or is it used for dominance, manipulation or control? Are you afraid to step into that power? And if yes, why?
3) Finally, I want you to reflect on the power you carry within yourself. Are you aware of it? What form of power is it? Do you practice using it? And if yes, when, how and why?

“Be yourself; the world will adjust.”

— Rachel-Diane Epoupa